We couldn't just stop at four rules, so here are some late additions that didn't make the original post. Patrick, you are one funny sum'bitch.
5. Enough with the Heartfelt Chain Posts.
Now let me be clear. I love my family and friends and I support those with illness. I also love God and the good ole U.S of A. What I do not support, however, are these ridiculous chain posts, demanding that I complete a task in order to prove my patriotism, show that I love my family, avoid a life of spinsterhood, or some other bleak outcome. Case in point, the below post from my beloved aunt who shall remain nameless.
"YOUR SON WILL HOLD YOUR HAND FOR ONLY A LITTLE WHILE, BUT WILL HOLD YOUR HEART FOR A LIFETIME. IT'S SON'S WEEK... IF YOU HAVE A SON OR SONS WHO MAKE YOUR LIFE WORTH LIVING JUST BY BEING AROUND THEM & IF YOU'RE PROUD OF YOUR SON(S), COPY AND PASTE TO YOUR STATUS"
Let's be honest. We all have at least one relative, probably an aunt, who engages in this unacceptable Facebook behavior. Also, all caps are UN-FUCKING-ACCEPTABLE. Knock it off before I permanently hide your posts.
6. This Is Your Facebook Page, Not Your Kid's.
Look, I'm happy that you have a baby. I really am. I even like looking at a few of the new pictures that you post, especially after he/she was born. But there comes a time when you have to take your page back. If you want little Johnny or darling Susie to have a page, make them one. Turning your profile into a living scrapbook for your kid might be sweet but it's not why I accepted your friend request. I have nothing against baby photos or the occasional cute mishap, but I don't need to know that Conner took a crap in the bathtub or left a crayon in his pocket.