The Lady Blogger

I Think I'm Charming, You Should Too

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Love Your Lady Bits

This week I have been eating my emotions instead of drinking them since the pain of our Epcot adventure is still too fresh in my memory (and bloodstream). As always, this brings up a fresh crop of neurotic insecurities about my body image. I was unloading to a few of my lady friends and I was surprised to hear a lot of the same insecurities echoed back to me, which I found to be completely absurd since all of my friends are absolutely gorgeous, obviously. So why is it that we can dish out compliments to each other, but not to ourselves? Here are some Lady Blogger tips to loving every inch of that beautiful bod of yours:

  1. Get Naked -- I find that I look significantly better naked than I do clothed. There aren't any tight waistlines making my muffin top bulge over, resulting in extra ass-space that looks like I'm hiding an adult diaper and a small family of refugees in there. I am certain that my neighbors also appreciate my get naked/open all the windows policy.
  2. Get Fancy-- Every once in a while earmark an evening out dedicated to one sole and selfish purpose: lookin' hot. Spend a ridiculous amount of time on your hair and makeup, pick out an outfit that makes you feel sassy, and gather up your Lady Boners for a night on the town. Is this completely shallow and vain? Yup. Should you find the beauty within your heart or some other inspiring bullshit like that? Sure, couldn't hurt. But in the short run, this plan works just fine. Note: I have found that creating an inspiring music montage brings this experience to another level. Mine is titled "Happy Fun Girl Time" and is full of BeyoncĂ© songs. Because no one sings with more "I am a treasure to behold and OH NO YOU DIDN'T just look at another woman because if you did I well set yo' ass out on the street" than she. I'm pretty sure that's the title of her next album.
  3. Get Out of Your Head-- I was recently guilty of letting someone else's obviously impaired judgement lead me to believe I was not lookin' my best on a Get Fancy night. There's no denying it hurts a little when there is perhaps someone in particular you are trying to impress and they are perhaps a little too drunk and socially awkward to ever let you know that making out with you would be a true pleasure. But I guarantee you there are plenty of other people out there thinking "Oh wow, it WOULD be a true pleasure to make out with that fine looking piece of Lady ass!" Oh yeh, and your real beauty is in your heart or something. 
And if any or all of the above don't work, remember: we have all been there. For some of you it's that day every once in a while that you just feel "blah". And for others of us it is an every day struggle to love yourself and what you're working with. So let's lift each other up and remind ourselves that we are treasures to behold, because BeyoncĂ© aint triflin'.

Some of you may have seen this on Facebook already, but it's worth a re-share. It's a story about being a mermaid vs. being a whale. Let me also remind you that whales are the largest mammals on earth, which means they have the largest reproductive organs known to man. Now that's one big Lady Boner!

1 comment:

  1. Well hello there Lady Blogger. Interesting post today, I particularly am a big fan of your fancy night, and would consider myself extremely luck you to have the pleasure of running into you and your Lady Boners on such an occassion.

    I'm pretty sure that your neighbors love you. I would only like to add one additional otugh or possible suggestions to your night of elaborate dress up and go out on the town. I sometimes find it much more interesting to create a completely different back story for myself. If I'm just out having fun, and more than likely planing on doing something that some would say is border line retarded, I don't want those individuals to know my true identity, so I make one up.

    This can add all sorts of levels of fun to an already amazing evening! Just a thought.